Are we sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.

There was once a nice Irish man who wanted to build an airport very close to where I live, in the land of the smiling mule. The local people complained bitterly, shaking their fists they cried “but this is a National Park”. The nice Irish man said “if you let me build my airport I’ll also build a golf course, and the shiny planes will bring lots of foreigners to your land for you to rip off”. The people said “oh, OK”. But it wasn’t OK because the nice Irish man was put into prison, and all plans of airports, golf and euros were scrapped.

Here in the land of the smiling mule lives a man who we’ll call Alfonso. Alfonso is the mayor. Mayor Alfonso has been in office for over twenty years now, but strangely nobody knows anybody who actually voted for him. The people think Mayor Alfonso is wicked and greedy, and Alfonso thinks the people had better watch out.

A long time ago it was decided that every time cement was used within the land of the smiling mule that Alfonso would get paid. Over twenty years that’s a lot of cement, a lot of money. However, even money grabbing fascists get old, so Mayor Alfonso decided to retire. “Just one thing before I go” he said, “there is still the matter of the site designated for the golf course, what shall we do with it?” Another nice man came to the rescue and declared, “I will build five thousand houses on that land, badly”. “Hoorah” said Alfonso, “that will double the population of the town, and all these new people will need somewhere to shop, somewhere to send their children to school, and that all takes lots of lovely cement.”

Sometimes its best not to know what’s going on.