If I were a friend of Charles and Camilla, which I’m not, and should they have invited me to their wedding (pronounced “widding”), which they didn’t, I’d have been pissed off (pronounced PISSED OFF!).

The invitation would probably have sounded something like this;

Dear Friend,

Camilla and I are thrilled to tell you to come to our widding porty. As I’m sure you’ve seen on the tele’ (Gord, I hate, hate, hate those tele’ people) there was a bit of a glitch with having the bash at The Hiyse because of Mummy being Head of The Church Of England or something, so we’ve had to go for the bloody Guildhall in Winsaw. Seeing as you’re just a friend, and not an important one at that, you will not come to the Guildhall, but will go straight to Mummy’s. 

Park at Winsaw Cricket Club, where little coaches will collect you and bring you to Mummy’s castle. (The coaches were Cam’s idea, she’s SO good at this kind of thing being a commoner.) St. Georges Chapel is in the shape of an “L”, that’s “L” for LURV… another Cam’ joke, but anyway. Being an unimportant person you will sit in the long bit of the “L” whilst all the family, and the ceremony itself will be out of sight to you in the small bit of the “L”. Tip: Remember to set your video before you leave so you can see what went on! (Thanks again to Cam’ for that.)

After the widding there’ll be a bit of a dooo at Mummy’s which you can come to, and at which we’ll at best patronise you and at least ignore you. Do come, it’ll be a hoot!