In no particular order, and for no apparent reason.

Trick or treat: I find it really hard to believe that in all the places I’ve lived it’s here in the Land That Time Forgot that the kids do the Halloween thing. We had one crowd of kids knock the door on Saturday and another lot last night. Having NO experience of the trick or treat sugar fest we weren’t sure what to do, so we just shouted “bugger off” through the window. Sorted. I’ll probably be looking for advice in time for next year’s fest.

Blokes guide to curtains: All the windows in Palacio Andaloo have shutters apart from the sitting room. Although curtains aren’t needed because nobody can see in we wanted to put some up just to add a bit of colour. Friends said we needed help with buying fabric, doing the maths and putting them up. We waited for the help and eventually decided to go it alone.

So, believe me it’s not that difficult. All you need to get through this are;

Curtains

Scissors (wire cutters can work, but not recommended)

Hoover (essential)

Needle

Cotton

Spirit level

Pencil

Gardening gloves

First buy the curtains. Width doesn’t matter, just buy at least two packs. Length doesn’t matter either because they will be the length of a small country. Put the loop things over the pole thing and with your pencil mark the point where the curtains meet the floor. Take the curtains off the pole thing and lay them on the floor. Using the long plastic hose of the hoover make a pencil mark a bit of the way up from the pencil mark on the curtains. Using the spirit level to get a straight line, cut the fabric. Repeat with other curtains. Hoover curtains to get rid of the cat hairs they’ve picked up from the floor. Turn the bottom bit over till it reaches the pencil mark denoting the point where the curtains meet the floor. Put on the gardening gloves. Sew the turned over bit to the long bit (You will not find thimbles in your kit, but gardening gloves work just as well). The sewing bit doesn’t matter much because let’s face it, who looks down there? Hoover the cat hairs off again. Put the loop things over the pole again. Finished.