I’m useless with jokes, I can never remember the punch line, and if I do remember it I usually slip it in before it’s due. Anyway, if SofP can do it, so can I. Warning: Bad joke coming up!

Fred walked into the pub with a black eye. “What happened to your eye?” asked the barman. “Well” said Fred, “I was sat in church on Sunday, in my usual place behind old Miss. Smithe. When we stood up to sing I noticed her skirt was stuck in her bum, so I carefully pulled it out for her. She spun round and punched me.”

A couple of weeks later Fred goes back into the pub with a new black eye. “What happened this time?” asked the barman. “Well” said Fred, “I was back in church with Bert and we were sat once again behind Miss. Smithe. When we stood up we noticed that Miss. Smithes skirt was stuck in her bum. Bert leaned forward and gently removed it. I said “NO! She don’t like it like that, and poked it back up.”